Understanding Self-Sabotage: Quick Tips for Healing Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage is often deeply intertwined with our life experiences and core beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world, which have developed over time. For this reason, defeating self-sabotaging behavior takes time. Be patient with yourself.

GET TO KNOW YOURSELF

• The many parts of our identity impact self-sabotage. Learning about your patterns of behavior can help us address them.

• Identifying our values can help us find where we may act against them. For example, if you value growth but never allow yourself to make mistakes, how is this living by your values?

UNDERSTAND YOUR CORE BELIEFS

• Negative core beliefs, which develop in childhood, are often the root of self-sabotaging behavior. For example, if you fear change, you may self-sabotage by avoiding it.

• Identify these core beliefs and listen to what you tell yourself about yourself, others, and the world.

KNOW YOUR TRIGGERS

• Start tracking what happens before you engage in self-sabotaging behavior to prevent them in the future. What do you feel, see, and experience before these behaviors?

• Journal

• Track your thoughts before the self-sabotage and write them down. What are your helpful or maladaptive beliefs and thoughts telling you, which may make you more likely to self-sabotage?

SET REALISTIC AND ACHIEVABLE GOALS

• Consider the changes you can make, then consider if they are realistic, given your current circumstances.

• Start with small goals, such as tracking your self-sabotaging behavior, identifying core beliefs that fuel your self-sabotage, or practicing mindfulness to increase your awareness.

• Practice self-compassion and allow yourself to change goals if needed. It is about practice, not perfection.